It has been some time since
I last blogged but as promised I want to write a few lines on
‘Life after Isobel’. Once things quietened down and the last
visiting family member had returned ‘home’, the Wednesday after
the funeral/celebration of Isobel’s life was a little picture of how
things will be from now on. It was just Shona and I for dinner (Ryan
had headed off to France with Scott for a couple of weeks). A moment
of realisation: this is our life from now on. A moment I knew would
come; anticipating it did not really lessen it’s impact. A poignant
moment. No Isobel. No need to ask what she wanted for dinner. No need
to serve her dinner on a tray as she sat in ‘her chair’. Just ‘us’.
Of course Shona and I both knew Isobel was at that very moment enjoying
food and a dinning experience really out of this world. Can’t see
her having asked for Schloer to drink either! How she must have been
delighting in true perfect fellowship. I mean seriously: what must this
be like for her? What has three weeks in perfect unbroken fellowship
with God and his family been like for her?! Better than McDonalds in
the grounds of the hospice, wonderful as that was.
By God’s gracious and
miraculous provision Shona and I have been enjoying family and time
away ‘up the North coast’ in N. Ireland. We’ve been blessed by
some powerful times at ‘New Horizon’ (annual event that assembles
3000+ Christians for worship, teaching and sharing). Blessed too with
the gift of family: sharing, crying, laughing, and recounting stories
with parents, nephews, nieces and wee cousins.
Recent days have brought much for me to think about and talk through with God. ‘Life after Iso’ at times seems quite frightening. My best friend, my lady will, my life time partner in family and in all things to do with God, will not be part of this. Where do I turn for her wisdom, discernment, laughter and God perspective? I’ve never been this way before. Now that I am walking one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced in my life (though I know well that many, indeed perhaps some of you - have faced or are facing ‘suffering’ that makes mine seem rather paltry) – but how do I face this with out her? At the time when I need her most, she is in a better place telling stories of her mission on earth, and I am ‘alone’. Yet not alone. I know God is here. Just sometimes this is deeply challenging. Humanly speaking I ‘need’ her to be here. But I know I will also discover depths in God as he ‘turns up’ and does what only he can do.
His presence with me is often through ‘you’. Thank you for standing with us thus far. Maybe you will walk on with us? - with Scott, Laetitia &Oliver. With Shona and Ryan.
In all of this God whispers
courage in my ear. Not ‘come on get over it’, but ‘courage; I’m
here. The future is unknown but I’m here now and will be tomorrow.
(as a text received yesterday said: ‘because He lives I can
face tomorrow’).
I want to leave you with thoughts
from Isobel. In tidying things up around the house, I came across one
of her notebooks. I sat on our bed and read her God thoughts; her take
on life and faith as she lived with cancer and faced the end. They are
written as ‘notes’ (not a word-for- word sermon!) she obviously
used to guide her through her talk. Read them as such. These are precious
thoughts, perhaps even sacred. But she had written them to be shared
with others (mostly they were part of talks she gave in Bellevue at
‘Alpha’ and with some ladies). Here is Isobel with God thoughts.
I dare you to read and not be moved. Indeed I dare you not to respond
personally. See Iso looking at you and saying ‘so if this is true
about God, what will you do with him?’
Psalm115:3 ‘OUR GOD is in heaven, He does WHATEVER PLEASES HIM’
Isaiah 45:6,7: ‘I am the
Lord and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I
bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things’.
The bible teaches that we have a ‘hands on God’ who preserves, provides, protects and governs his creation so that it accomplishes what he had planned from the beginning.
God is not distant, but involved in our lives, looking after us, watching over us. His providence is how He sees beforehand what is going to happen to us, what need is going to arise in our life, and He makes provision for us. So that when we arrive at our point of need the provision is there waiting for us.
What a loving God we have!
Often God does not act or work in the way we expect him to. We easily have a ‘I know better than God’ attitude. We don’t want to be ‘delivered’ God’s way. I know some people who would rather go to hell than be saved God’s way.
I must avoid having a bad attitude where I strive with my Maker God. I must avoid assuming He is not at work. I am to commit my way to God. He is the Lord who brings about both prosperity and ‘disaster’. God is not at all embarrassed to say: ‘I am responsible. I am the one in control’.
Can the clay argue with the potter? No!
‘Our God is in heaven and he does what he pleases’ He is God, I trust Him.
We need to accept that God has the right to do what He pleases. Bitterness and anger will only hurt us. And damage our heart and our faith.
‘GOD does ALL things right’
In His way. In his time.
This is the God I trust.
The God I love. Isobel Graham
2010
So this blog reaches its end
- although some have suggested I occasionally update it. (this is something
I will give thought and prayer to; if you have something to share with
me on this idea let me know. I certainly do not want to be a daily or
even a weekly blogger. But perhaps a monthly blog of God thoughts over
the coming months may be useful.)
I sincerely thank you all (apparently you are quite numerous) who have given me of your time to ‘drop by’. ‘Random strangers’ have lately said to they have been blessed by reading the blog. This is of God.
I finish with a slight ‘misquote’
from Henri Nouwen, as he finished one of his books:
‘Afterword’:
‘To you have read some or
all of these thoughts I want to say: do not stop here. Continue on your
journey. My words were only to encourage you to find your own words
and thoughts. What I have written is an expression of my own personal
spiritual journey, bound by my own personality, time, place and circumstances.
Your spiritual journey is as unique as mine; it has it’s own unique
beauty. My hope is that the description of God in our life (Isobel and
mine) will give you the courage to discover God in yours’.
Allow me (and I know Isobel
would agree with me!) to suggest: trust God and embrace the life he
offers in Himself and in his people, aka the church. If you’re in
Edinburgh a welcome awaits you at Bellevue Chapel. And if you want to
explore the Christian faith, we recommend attending a local ‘ALPHA’
course (google it and you’ll find one). In Bellevue we will be running
one from September onwards.
Thank you. And perhaps we’ll meet again on the blog……..
but….. ‘if I don’t
see you again I hope I’ll see you in heaven’ (Larry Norman).
Yes it’s been a few days since I last ‘blogged’ and you’ll understand that these past 5 days have been full and overflowing. Monday 12th of July was a day which will never leave my mind and heart. A day you think you’ll never really go through. It’s a day you never imagine yourself experiencing when in your youth and young love you walk down the aisle with your bride to be. Not a day that ever enters your thoughts as you settle into family life – babies, teenagers, young adults whilst we the parents reach the ‘half century’ mark. But yes Monday was the day when I buried my dear wife Isobel and when three young adult children said good bye to their mum. A day full of wide ranging emotions and feelings. A day which will rightly live long in our heart. It would take me the next few days to share what the day was like and what it meant to me, to my ‘kids’ and to the wider family. But here is a feeble attempt. I do it in order that you focus on God and that you may also in some way honour my wife.
The day began with Isobel’s funeral service and burial in the morning; a time of expressing our deep grief at the massive loss we all felt, yet reminding ourselves of what Isobel would say to us “ when I fly away don’t weep for me, I’ll be safe in the hiding place of grace where my Jesus waits for me”. The morning was followed by a most wonderful family ‘clan gathering’ at Rowan and Janet’s where we ate wonderfully well (we could imagine Isobel’s oft quoted phrase: ‘we’ll whatever else is going on in this family, we’ll certainly never starve!’ She not only enjoyed good food, but understood the social aspect of eating together - a time to share, chat, deepen friendships. And this whether at home or in a larger gathering). So 40+ of ‘the clan’ ate, shared, wept and laughed and rejoiced. A very special afternoon.
Then it was off to Bellevue Chapel for the evening celebration of Isobel’s life: 250 folks packed in to share a most precious time.
I’ve asked some family/friends to share their thoughts on the day and I leave them to do that now. I will blog later with my own thoughts on ‘Life after Isobel’. In case I forget to say later: thank you for taking the time to read this blog whoever and wherever you are. I’m no blogger but it seems like in God’s gracious and creative way some of these words have touched folks in all kinds of places and situations. I’d be happy to hear from you, but will not guarantee a reply!
My chums have been asking me how Monday went and I have been saying that it was a very sad, very beautiful day... that it was, in fact, happy/sad. I have been trying to explain the joy and the peace that my uncle Paul and my cousins have, right in the middle of deep pain and loss, and my chums don’t really get it, and it’s hard to put into words. Monday was a day that honoured everything that auntie Iso loved – coffee, reading, France, craic, beauty, chat, her family and her God. Just like a conversation with auntie Iso in life, it made you think, and I have not stopped thinking since! As I listened to my uncle Paul pay tribute to his lady in the morning, and to my cousins’ tribute to their mum in the evening – I thought of how auntie Iso was all the good things, all the important things. And in conversations, musings and memories - the refreshing influence of auntie Iso continues.
Shaz X x
It was a rare privilege to be with you and the family in Edinburgh. The two days were a rollercoaster of emotions, sad, funny, happy, poignant and intense. The tributes to Isobel were heart-warming in their sincerity and depth of feeling. They were also remarkably consistent....how many times did we hear quiet, loving, supportive, dedicated..?
The commitment of so many members of Bellevue, their strong desire to be involved, to pay tribute to Isobel and to support the family was remarkable. The Monday evening was truly a service of celebration, of a life well lived, a fight well fought and a peace that was well won.
The flow of the service, the music, prayers, tributes and worship flowed like a tidal wave breaking on a lee shore.
I praised Judith on her leadership of the music but she dismissed that with a great word picture. She said that all she had to do was "to surf the wave of praise and worship".
It was indeed very like surfing, like being carried by some primal force of nature. I laughed and I cried in close to equal amounts.
Thank you for the privilege of being there and thanks you to all friends in Bellevue.
Monday was for me, a special day. It evoked many feelings and thoughts. In a small but very powerful way, it summed up the life of my “big sis” Isobel and showed her as the wonderfully loving, caring, gentle and thoughtful woman of God that she was. I was proud and honoured to call her my sister.
It was a sad day, as I said goodbye, not only to my sister but my friend. My friend who was always there, never too busy and who knew in her great wisdom what to say to me, at the right time. Sad as I was reminded how much I will miss her.
An encouraging day, as I was reminded how Isobel’s Lord had guided her through every joy and trial of her life and never left her side.
A challenging day. One where I was called to look again at my life and reassess my priorities. A reminder to cherish the lives of others.
A day of rejoicing. To know that Isobel is at home with her Saviour, free from the pain that she knew only too well and to look forward to the day when I will see her again.
And finally, a comforting day. To know that Iso’s Lord is my Lord and there is nothing I will face and no day so hard that I can’t get through, with Him. Praise the Lord!
A day to remember.
Janet
I have learned that many things in the Christian life are very strongly paradoxical. The perfect one became ‘sin’ for us; the horror of Gethsemane achieved the ultimate sacrifice; our holy God loves very imperfect people; we are indeed children of the King and yet still sinners saved by grace; and lately…..the funeral of a loved one can be joyous!
At times I thought my head would implode with the whole raw pain of the situation. Not just my personal loss, but seeing family members in pain was so extremely sad. And yet the hope….. the hope was glorious! Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.
It was wonderful to be with friends and family from present and years past. It was wonderful to see the photos of Isobel through her amazing life. And yet, I was struck when a neighbour of Isobel’s said “If only I could spend just five more minutes with her”. This is exactly how I felt, and indeed still feel. Isobel had a way of just giving you a hug that said “I know you are struggling, I’m here for you”.
If anything can be learned, it is surely that we should surely treasure one another, spend time together, drink wine and celebrate our Lord’s goodness. Let’s spend five more minutes with each other – lots and lots! Morag.
As Isobel’s “earthly tent” was laid to rest we were reminded of Ryan’s comment that this wasn’t mum – it was just her shell. We rejoiced in the knowledge that dear Isobel was with her Lord in heaven – for eternity!
One of the most spiritually uplifting experiences I have ever had in my life took place on Monday evening. We gathered together in Bellevue Chapel to pay tribute to the life of Isobel with over 200 friends and family members. This was an amazing experience where we marvelled at Isobel’s wonderful life and gave glory to the One who had made it all possible by leading her on her mission.
A day of contrasts – but one which impacted positively on hundreds of people. Just like Isobel…….she leaves a legacy of hundreds, perhaps thousands of people who have been impacted positively by being privileged to have encountered her during these last few decades. Colin
For a long time I have not only enjoyed the music of Brian Houston but at times quite frankly his lyrics/music have reached deep inside my soul. If I'm not mistaken his own wife suffered from breast cancer and was cured of it. Some of his songs directly reflect this challenging period in their life and some others reflect more generally the challenge and pain of death.
The following lyrics – from the album 'Sugar Queen' (wonderfully given to me by my niece Shaz not long after her Auntie Iso was diagnosed with breast cancer) are words that I often sang (not as well as Brian H but none the less.... I guess that's why he's a singer and I'm a pastor!). As I journeyed with Iso I so very often had nothing but deep admiration for her as I saw & even lived in the good of her courage and faith. My admiration is all the greater having walked with her through the last days of her journey on earth. Today, Saturday 10th - 5 days since Iso passed away - I have just been to the hospice to thank the wonderful staff there for all their fantastic care and to the WGH hospital to do the same. To hear nurses talk of their admiration for Iso and for 'her wonderful family' (here I refer to the kids and to Janet in particular) was comforting but also made her absence again hit home. It was all in the 'past tense', which is grammatically correct. But it somehow hit me. How I miss her. The void is great - already. At times it crashes over me like a huge wave. But as I again 'hear' her faith and trust, even I have hope. Hope that lifts my weary head.
Here are the words. I think you'll agree they describe Iso in a beautiful way. I am again thankful to God for the gift of creative music and lyrics that express what I would struggle to find words for. Guess the ancient book of the Psalms does exactly that too. Enjoy.
(by the way: if you know Iso well, you know she would not bask at all easily in the light of such 'praise'; she would as ever point to the real hero: Jesus, her Saviour. So as you enjoy these words, may you too see her hero).
My lady's got a red badge of courage
She wears it like a medal on her heart
She wears it with pride like most people wear a smile
And no one else but me can see her scars
My lady's got a red badge of courage
It's one that you can't steal and you can't buy
It's not a thing that you can hold but it means more to her than gold
And it's wrapped around her heart like an old flag
My lady she's a fighter she's a winner
But she's not the type to boast or brag or swear
These last days I've seen the woman in her
That makes me not afraid to say that I belong to her
My lady's in the role call of hero's
Of those with nothing left to lose but life
For whose few remaining years are filled with days of constant fear
But who never quit or give up on the fight
My lady's got a red badge of courage
She's joined the ranks of those who know the score
For whom each day is still a prize, a gift that we can't toss aside
For it's too precious to be wasted like before
Yes my lady's got a red badge of courage
It's the one thing that I'm sure she'd rather not have
When you ask me what war and what she ever got it for
I say bravery in the face of certain death
The last few days have been taken up with the formalities which necessarily follow any death and we have had much to occupy us. At the same time, we have been encouraged and strengthened by the prayers and tangible evidences of the support of so many friends and family.
Now we are concentrating more on preparing for Monday, when we will have first of all the family burial service in the morning and then the thanksgiving service at 7.30pm in the evening.
It will be a time for reflection: reflection on our loss which we each feel keenly and individually and reflection on our joy which comes from the very real and certain hope we have that Isobel's suffering is over and she is now happy in the presence of the Lord - that Hope which we have referred to before:
There is a hope that stands the test of time,
That lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,
To see the matchless beauty of a day divine
When I behold His face!
When sufferings cease and sorrows die,
And every longing satisfied.
Then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,
For I am truly home.
Isobel is 'truly home' and we rejoice in that knowledge, even while we grieve our very real loss. Being truly home, she has at last found that peace for which we prayed for her - Shalom.
Our destination is a place far greater than we know,
For some the journey's quicker, for some the journey's slow.
And when the journey finally ends, we'll claim a great reward,
And find an everlasting peace, together with the Lord.
'Some day we will all live in the New Jerusalem on a street called Shalom where brokenness will be no more.' Paul Tripp.
A quote from Henri Nouwen. This was one of Isobel's favourite quotes. One she shared at a couple of church weekends in N.Ireland and Scotland we were privileged to take as a couple. She lived her life as on a mission from God but always with the perspective of returning 'home' once her mission was complete. I know how she embodied this in her life; one of the ways her life most impacted me as her husband:
"Each of us has a mission in life. Jesus prays to his Father for his followers, saying: “As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world” (John 17:18).
We were sent into the world by God,just as Jesus was. Once we start living our lives with that conviction, we will soon know what we were sent to do.
When we live our lives as missions, we become aware that there is a home from where we are sent and to where we have to return. We start thinking about ourselves as people who are in a faraway country to bring a message or work on a project, but only for a certain amount of time. When the message has been delivered and the project is finished, we want to return home to give an account of our mission and to rest from our labours."
Isobel is now at 'home' resting - and I can imagine how she must be enjoying giving an account to the Lord of her mission. How they must have much to talk about!
The Lord brought Isobel's mission on this life to an end at 10.10 pm last night(Monday) A most peaceful and quiet end. Janet was by her bed. The three of us went round a few minutes after her passing. "this is not mum it's only her shell" Ryan. Very precious tho hard moments.
Details of funeral arrangements will be posted on the blog in the next day or two.
As a family the three of us have a request. To reflect Isobel's character and beautiful life rather than sending condolence cards, if possible our preference would be the following:
We will have a book into which those who wish can include a personal comment, a thought, a reflection, even a photograph etc . Even something from your children/ family. This book will be at Bellevue Chapel over this weekend and on the day of the funeral (next week).
For those who cannot make it to Bellevue please send anything you have to Mo Haxton at moraghaxton@googlemail.com she will collate the various items and make sure they are included in the book. We hope that many of you can remember Isobel in this way.
Perhaps the phrase that sums up our day would be something like: peaceful acceptance and trust in God. Janet, Shona, Ryan and I took our turns to sit with Isobel. She was in a very deep but quite restful sleep all day; no real conversations were had, no words exchanged yet deep communication took place. Scripture was read, hearts lifted to heaven on her behalf and songs quietly sung. Tears were shed: outwardly; inwardly; quietly.
We wonder if she too is now reaching a point of quiet acceptance of the journey's end, with a settling down to quietly pass over to the other side - where on that shore One who loves her and whom she loves, waits to welcome her?
Lovely time for all of us at dinner tonight when we shared the reality of where it seems God has brought Isobel to and where he has brought us to. Peace in the midst of tough circumstances; shared hope - and this changes everything. Really everything!
To all the family members who are separated from us by the miles: thank you for all you do and mean to us: the texts, phone calls, emails reaching across the distance and really upholding us. You each have a calling to be in other places with your families and various responsibilities. Whilst it would be lovely for us all to sit down in a comfy living room and share our thoughts, challenges, and hopes, we here in Edinburgh miss you but want you to be at peace where you are right now.
To everyone who reads this blog: thank you for the many emails and texts.
En français: merci pour les mails, les textos etc. Désolé mais je n'ai pas le temps de répondre à tous. Mais sachez que chaque mot nous encourage ! Continuez !
I'm going to let 'others' speak on my behalf and use their words to sum up some of our thoughts at this point.
A text received:"Isobel is a true woman of God. Her discipleship of me gave me the courage to take my final step of faith, in Watertstones' Costa coffee! I am one of so many she has reached. I bet God can't wait to give her a great big cuddle at Home"!
A poem shared :'I once scorned every fearful thought of death
When it was but the end of pulse and breath,
But now my eyes have seen that past the pain
There is a world that's waiting to be claimed.
Earthmaker, Holy, let me now depart,
For living's such a temporary art,
And dying is but getting dressed for God,
Our graves are merely doorways cut in sod.'
Calvin Miller
"I heard this true story a while back and thought I would share it with you. A young man called Jonathan from Belfast was dying. The elders of his church were praying for healing around his bedside. His uncle arrived around midnight and everyone was waiting for him to also pray for Jonathan to be miraculously healed. He was standing at the bottom of the bed and was just about to pray when he suddenly had a vision of a huge palace. He was just amazed at the sheer size of it and the busyness of all the people. Suddenly he saw a red carpet being rolled out and heard a great cry - like something you would hear at a football match 'There's another runner coming!"
He said that he just knew it was Jonathan and there was no way he could pray against something so wonderful. Jonathan passed into Glory a very short time later.
Corrie ten Boom used to say that nearing death is like how it was when she was a child travelling on the train to Amsterdam with her father - he held her ticket until they got near the stationmaster and just gave it to her when she needed it. God doesn't give us the grace we need until the actual moment we need it. This will be true for Isobel too.”
An email received:So many people are praying for Isobel here - and in Heaven there is a huge welcoming party gathering to celebrate her safe arrival. There she will rejoice with them in the presence of the One she has loved and served, waiting for us to join her in that magnificent reunion when we will 'be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.' I Thess. 4:17-18.
So may he steady you and fill you with a vision of the reality of the eternal perspective and of what he has in store for Isobel - and for you. And may that help in the middle of the heartbreak.
As Randy Alcorn says:This has been a blah blah day: a routine, keep persevering, keep pressing on day. Such is often the case in life, so why should it be different for us? Janet (Isobel's' sister), Shona and Ryan and I between us spent the day with Isobel from early AM to after 8pm. Today Isobel was very tired: slept for long periods and conversations were short. Very short. The day seemed long. Very long. Staff as always were excellent and caring. Family: what can I say? each one so precious to Isobel and I. A gift we value deeply.
So this blah blah, routine, sitting in a chair by the bed day reminds me again:
The realty for Isobel today is pain & suffering. The reality for family watching from her bedside or from across the water is pain, struggles, frustration, tiredness, and frequent cries to God of 'Lord help-save us'.
And yet....
We remind one another in one way or another that though there is much 'groaning' hope is ever present. But hope has to do with what we do not yet have: for no one hopes for what they already have! So our hope is for a promised guaranteed future: final release for Isobel from these blah blah days; release from pain and suffering forever to a place where God fills every second and every atom with vibrant perfect Life (Himself). A future so out of this world that words fail to describe it and the most satisfying present human experience is but a pale shadow of the reality to come.
So as we watch Isobel we do not deny the pain of that we go through at present. The anticipation of the loss is already great. Death is a real challenge. In fact just last night the word 'death' pierced me like an arrow. It rocked me. And it still would if I let culture define death i.e. 'the end' - or as used to appear on old French films 'FIN': meaning death ends everything, there is no future, no after life, merely annihilation.
But if the word is understood in God's dictionary it carries the meaning of: the closing of a chapter, the passage from 'this to that', a door way from 'here to there', from all the temporary 'seen stuff' to all the eternal currently 'unseen stuff' - known as reality.
So as we watch Isobel in these blah blah days of pain and see her suffering, we know that the sting of death (like the arrow that pierced my mind last night) has been taken away by a risen Jesus: who took on our common enemy and defeated it. Seems like someone else had something to say about this quite a few years ago (1 Cor.15).
So dear reader whoever you are as you read these words: may something of the God of Hope we are experiencing touch you deeply in your own journey of life and searching. For those already on the Way following Jesus- be encouraged in your blah blah moments.
I sign off for tonight:
yours a tired, 'groaning'
somewhat weary traveller; husband of Isobel, herself a tired 'groaning'
sufferer whom it seems is reaching the end of her journey, when release
will come. I pray she will be sustained to the end and that she can
already anticipate the rich welcome that awaits her into God's Kingdom.
Then she will no longer 'hope' (for who hopes for that they have?):
she will fully experience the reality of being at home with God"
A very late PS:.
My blah blah day ended with the gift and encouragement of friends.
A timely phone call from a bother-in-law.
A great church BBQ chez 'S&A': thank you.
How good to be encouraged by family and friends. Even kids genuinely asked me 'how was Isobel today?'!
And then to gather in quiet with a few friends to pray together to God for His help in these days (for Isobel, and the whole family near and far).
SO my closing prayer is (but anyone can read it!) for the good folks at Bellevue Chapel:
Dear 'Bellvue-er': these days are testing for us all. Our own challenges, along with those being faced by J&J (and others) are also your challenges. All this could so easily burden us to the point of discouraging us. So, as pastor, as friend and as a fellow traveller - along with Isobel we say: 'stand firm. Do not give up. Be still and do not fear'.
In fact sounds like a song I know....so here it is (by Keith and Kristyn Getty). Enjoy: (in fact look - it up on You Tube).
A good way to end a blah blah day.
STILL MY SOUL BE STILL
And do not fear
Though winds of change may rage tomorrow
God is at your side
No longer dread
The fires of unexpected sorrow
God You are my God
And I will trust in You and not be shaken
Lord of peace renew
A steadfast spirit within me
To rest in You alone
Still my soul be still
Do not be moved
By lesser lights and fleeting shadows
Hold onto His ways
With shield of faith
Against temptations flaming arrows
Still my soul be still
Do not forsake
The Truth you learned in the beginning
Wait upon the Lord
And hope will rise.
First of all many thanks to all for the words of support and encouragement: from Australia, NZ, USA, France, across the UK -right through to Grierson Square, Edinburgh! Thanks.
Friday was another day of visits and precious time spent with Isobel as family and a one or two others called with her. She continues to weaken. Her body is full of disease. Pray she will know Shalom peace and wholeness in the midst of this - especially in her mind. Her spirit is strong, her faith and confidence not budging. But medication to ease pain can mess with the mind. Pray her mind will be protected; pray against the subtle attacks of the enemy. He is defeated and so frustrated as in her faith Isobel does not deny God but stands firm. One of Isobel's favourite bible verses (the one she wrote on a gift she gave me for my graduation, which was not yesterday!) is "but we have the mind of Christ". Now there's a prayer to pray over her from wherever you are in the world.
Yesterday Ryan and I spent lunch time with her, making the best of the moments to chat and share. A lovely card had been left for Isobel from a friend asking us to read verses from Psalm 32 to Isobel. So Ryan read to his mum:
20-22 "We're depending on GOD; he's everything we need. Love us, GOD, with all you've got, that's what we're depending on." Several times Isobel repeated "we're depending on God - he's everything we need."
Isobel's parents spent the afternoon with her. Their timely visit here over this past week -decided on weeks ago but clearly planned by God to be at this time - has been of great strength to Isobel and indeed to all the family. Difficult moments yet precious moments. They return to N. Ireland today.
Later in the day Shona called in and after some time chatting, seeing her mum was tired, she sang with her. Its seems in recent days Isobel has been blessed by folks singing hymns/songs with her. Though tired she has managed to hum along and even repeat some words. What a gift to give her at this time! One song by Stuart Townend sung to her yesterday is a song that has been a firm favourite of ours over this past year. Read it- sing it- pray it:
THERE IS A HOPE that burns within my heart,
That gives me strength for every passing day;
A glimpse of glory now revealed in meagre part,
Yet drives all doubt away:
I stand in Christ, with sins forgiven;
And Christ in me, the hope of heaven!
My highest calling and my deepest joy,
To make His will my home.
There is a hope that lifts my weary head,
A consolation strong against despair,
That when the world has plunged me in its deepest pit,
I find the Saviour there!
Through present sufferings, future's fear,
He whispers 'courage' in my ear.
For I am safe in everlasting arms,
And they will lead me home.
There is a hope that stands the test of time,
That lifts my eyes beyond the beckoning grave,
To see the matchless beauty of a day divine
When I behold His face!
When sufferings cease and sorrows die,
And every longing satisfied.
Then joy unspeakable will flood my soul,
For I am truly home.
So perhaps a few prayer points for those who want to pray:
One day 2 weeks ago I enjoyed a coffee in one of our favourite coffee shops (Porto and Fi). I had taken a book by Henri Nouwen - an author we both enjoy. Isobel had been reading this book so I could only borrow on the condition that she got it back quickly! Leaving the coffee shop (it was beautiful sunny day) I could see clearly across the water from Newhaven harbour to the coast on the other side "the Kingdom of Fife". A few sailing boats were making there way form the harbour and sailing across the water. Watching this I read:
A smile breaks through our tears.
Dying is a gradual diminishing and final vanishing over the horizon of life.
When we watch a sailboat leaving port and moving toward the horizon,
it becomes smaller and smaller until we can no longer see it.
But we must trust that someone is standing on a faraway shore seeing that
same sailboat become larger and larger until it reaches its new harbour.
Death is a painful loss. When we return to our homes after a burial, our
hearts are in grief.
But when we think about the One standing at the other shore eagerly
waiting to welcome our beloved friend into a new home, a smile can break through our tears.
Pray on for Isobel’s continued peace of heart and spirit, even as she weakens physically.
For the staff who do so much above and beyond the call of duty.
For the family members unable to be here in Scotland, but who stand by us all and mean so much to us. Some are called to be here, some are called to be elsewhere. All stand together and we are SO thankful for family.
Today will involve visits, care, and support for Isobel. Pray we will each have the necessary strength - spiritual, emotional and physical. Pray for our own peace of heart.
Pray we will be honest in our pain, not denying the struggle this journey is on many levels for all of us. But pray that by God’s grace we embrace the Living Hope who is Jesus. A hope we have all seen lived out in the beautiful life of Isobel. I still see and hear her saying to us daily when she was in the hospital and able to converse more easily: ‘don’t worry about me; I’m fine I know where I am going’. She knew it. She meant it.
A wee quote I stumbled across this AM: God’s word ‘speaks’ into our pain and suffering. At times insights from others on God and his ways touch us deeply.
“While there are no easy answers, in suffering, God is not getting back at you; He is getting you back to Himself. Suffering opens our hands to God. It was Augustine who declared, “God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full—there is nowhere for Him to put it.” God loves us too much to allow us to forget our neediness. God makes therapeutic use of our suffering. Luther taught that suffering creates in the child of God a delicious despair. Suffering is God’s putrid tasting medicine of choice resulting in delicious healing. Healing medicine for what? For our ultimate sickness—the arrogance that we do not need God. Suffering causes us to groan for home and to live in hope. God refuses to allow us to get too comfy here. Instead, He allows suffering—daily casket processionals—to blacken our sun so we cry out to His Son. Suffering reminds us that we’re not home yet.” Bob Kellemen
Friends from Bellevue have just been with Isobel. Once she came to and focused on what was happening, God thoughts were shared and Isobel prayed with them!! A prayer of thankfulness! They then sang 'On Christ the solid rock'!! Sweet times.
Today is Shona’s graduation: pray she (and all of us with her) will celebrate a great achievement. Pray Isobel may have the strength to meaningfully engage with the day’s events via web cam and enter into the joy of it. Ryan will be with Isobel and the family to get the technical stuff sorted at the hospice so they can follow on the internet; I will go to the graduation with Isobel’s mum. In the evening we plan a family meal. At the moment it looks like Isobel will not be able to join us, so pray she makes the best of other moments during the day.
An email today from my sister perhaps sums up well our hopes for this day “I’m praying it will be a wonderful day of very real celebration in the midst of the reality of Isobel's illness.
In some ways it will seem surreal and the mix of emotions can be difficult to cope with. But it is, after all, what life is made up of - joy and sorrow, life and death, moments of celebration and moments of grief.
God understands all of that and Jesus himself displayed authentic joy and deep sorrow - may you all know His freedom to really celebrate today and may He give you deep joy!”
As most of you will know after a recent spell in the Western Hospital, the medical staff (truly excellent folk) felt there was no more medical treatment to offer Isobel in her battle with cancer, and so other options were looked at. Today, Tuesday 29th, was Isobel’s 5th day in St Columba’s hospice. Her being provided with a bed in a hospice was an answer to prayer; her being provided a bed in this hospice (10 minutes walk from our house) was amazing; and her being provided with the bed she now has (the one Paul saw in a ‘vision’ of the where he wanted her to be) is such a special blessing to us! Her bed is only a few metres from the beautiful hospice gardens. It was in these gardens (at Isobel’s request) we had a ‘McDonalds picnic’ on Sunday past! After church at Bellevue our family + the Parks + Isobel’s brother Alex and family, all invaded the hospice gardens with our ‘picnic’. It was a beautiful day and after half an hour Shona and the staff had Isobel ‘ready’ and Shona wheeled her out to join us for 45 minutes. Precious moments. Family and fun. God with us.
Isobel has been really quite tired these last few days. The mixture of illness + medication + heat (yes it’s warm here!) mean she has not a lot of energy. Conversations are short. Her mum and dad are now over and that is a blessing to us all. Isobel’s pain is under control, but breathing still a big challenge. In the midst of it all there are wee moments when her humour and hope still shine through. In a lovely moment (thankfully not over heard by staff or visitors!) we sang as best we could a couple of hymns/songs of hope in God etc. Shall we say singing is not a gift given to all the McLuckies!, so it was lovely that she could sing and know what she was singing. God’s gift to us of truth expressed in music and with feeling is such a gift. A special time!
Few prayer points:
‘you will not always be able to make sense out of God’s sovereign plan. And herein lies the subtle temptation to attach your hope to your ability to understand, and not to God who alone is the source of hope. Hope is not in my theological ability to make sense of such moments; there will always be moments when understanding fails you. Hope must be in GOD alone. HE comforts and He strengthens. HE is our HOPE.’